my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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