I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
