If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
