What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
