Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
