Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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