I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize