Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
