my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
