So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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