I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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