It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
