He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
