Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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