just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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