One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
