You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This house was built for laser tag.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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