Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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