I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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