I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize