he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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