Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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