So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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