How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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