Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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