I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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