I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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