Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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