it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
