ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
