Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
