kristin has been a bad kristin
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
