i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How does one acquire holy water?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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