I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Holy shit dude........stairs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
