Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
two words: eviction party
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
