return my video game
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize