I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
