did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
