Cold hands, warm shart.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
