I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
