BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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