his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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