I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
