I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
