i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
