i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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