By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
