My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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