i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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