wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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