Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize