I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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