i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
