Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize