I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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