nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
