did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
