apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
