Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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