you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
