Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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