I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
