Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
