you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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