Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can text with my tongue
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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