Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize