my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Terrible idea I love it
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