my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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