I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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