my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
