As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
