I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
