meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
