My brain says no but my pants say off.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
