Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
