she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
