Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
