Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
