im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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