I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
