The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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