I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
