i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
